Why hugs and beer will support your personal development – balanced habits 6

26 Jan

If you want to have a happy home, spend time with your family.

If you want to have fun, go out with people who make you laugh.

People will enrich your life… if you let the right people into your life.

Who are worth of your time

Start by being clear on your own needs. Who are the people who you absolutely want to spend time with.And how much time with them feels natural for you. Being most of the evenings with your partner or focusing on one evening of quality time weekly? Meeting with your parents once a week or once a quarter? Seeing friends every weekend, or once a month? How about your need for your own time?

Select people who you feel energized to be with! Being together with people who are fun or who give you new ideas is a sure way to bring more happiness in your life. Spending too much time with people who drain your energy, or with whom you feel that you can’t be yourself is a waste of time. You are the average of the 5 people who you spend the most with, so choose with care.

How to be with people for real

Once you are clear with whom you want to spend your time with, make sure to do it also in reality. Online-connections can keep you updated, but it won’t give you the depth of connection of the face-to-face. Take the time to actually meet people! Book friends for dinner, have a weekly boys night, meet friends around a hobby, keep space in your calendar for socializing!

When you are spending the time with somebody, be fully present! Be there for the other person, giving your total focus on him/her. Forget the iPhone, stop thinking about the work, no zoning out when you are not speaking! Make the most of the time that you are sharing!

“I come home, and we spend the first 10 minutes to update each other about our days with my wife… being there for the other and showing interest creates a deep connection, preparing us for an enjoyable evening together.”

Four tips for building deep relationships

  1. Use meal times to connect: The best combination of the world – tasty food and great discussion (and some wine). Each day you have 3 possibilities to nourish your body and soul, so use them wisely.
  2. Book your calendar: Pick at least one weekday, when the evening is dedicated to your important people. It can be a dinner on Mondays with wife to celebrate the start of the week, or the Wednesday beer with mates to keep connected.
  3. Meet common friends: Want to spend time with your partner, but also want to spend time with friends? Find another couple that you enjoy spending time with. Be selective, as sometimes an evening together can be enjoyable for guys, but horrible with ladies… or the other way around.
  4. Take your own time: Don’t let go of your own needs to spend all of your time with your partner. In the worst case you’ll poison that time together with your unexpressed wish to do something else. Be honest and tell about your needs… and then act accordingly. Go for the beer with your friends or go for the bike-ride alone in the woods… and then afterwards be there fully for your wife.

“I share my lunch with guys from the office. We talk about our lives, making jokes about each other, increasing understanding on each other culture… the daily moments to nourish both body & soul.”

Why spending time with people makes you more developed person

  • More happiness – Spending time with others, being connected, is one of the basic needs that all human have. No amount of money, or fame, or physical enjoyment will ever satisfy this need. By connecting with others, you can be happy!
  • More learning – Each individual has a unique worldview, that they use to interpret the life around them. Through discussing with others, you can use their ideas and perspectives as your teacher. New ways of thinking, new mindsets, all combining with the things you already had in your mind.
  • Less stress – The best way to get stressed is to keep all the problems and negative thoughts inside of you, and never let them out. But, when spending time with people close to you, you can release some of these dark thoughts from your system. You are not one with your thoughts anymore, and you can take a more objective view… and hear the other person’s perspective.
  • More development – The development of our consciousness is basically an increasing ability to take more encompassing perspectives. This means that as you grow as a human being, you will able to care for more. Spending time with people is about practicing consideration and empathy. The interaction with others is your teacher for being a healthy human being.

“When I wake up, I hug my wife. Her warmth and closeness make me smile… When I go to bed, I hug my wife. Her sleepy voice makes me smile… I feel blessed to have such opening and closing for my day!”

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2 Responses to “Why hugs and beer will support your personal development – balanced habits 6”


  1. How to ensure unlimited energy (without coffee), balanced habits 8 « Balanced Professional - February 12, 2012

    […] energizing your soul: take quiet time and take time with people that you care about “In the morning my meditation, yoga and studying are there to wake up […]

  2. How to create everyday happiness, balanced habits 9 « Balanced Professional - March 5, 2012

    […] Hug your loved ones: Everybody needs physical connection. Especially the tough business professionals!! Hug your wife when you wake up, when you leave for work, when you come back, when you go to bed… and at least 5 other times per day. The physical closeness will soothe your soul, bringing you a feeling of calmness and caring. […]

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